10 Natural Ways to Ease PMS

Yesterday I was possessed. Not by some mythical creature, alien life form, or demon from the depths of Hell...well maybe it was a demon. (Men keep reading...this information could save your life too)

I should start by saying I've become a pretty patient person, but please don't ask my husband to confirm that. Actually, for a woman living in a household with 4 boys (yes the hubby is included in this count) I should get Sainthood for all the shenanigans I have to put up with.

I deal with never-ending piles of clothes on the bathroom, bedroom, and family room floors. I barely make a peep about the sticks, balls and Legos that I pick up each day, only to have them "mysteriously" reappear in another room minutes later. I've even gotten used to repeating what I just said 4 times without going to my "Black Momma" voice. ("White Mommas" have this voice too, it just requires a little less neck movement)

N-E-WAYS....the point is, I almost never lose my cool, until about 12 hours before my monthly fertility reminder comes to town, and stirs up a whole bunch of shit.

Last night it was like some ranting and raving lunatic had taken over my body and I could barely keep it together. Little things that I would have shrugged off sent me flying into the stratosphere, crashing back down to crazy Bitchville (which is not nearly as zen as Granolaville).

I could see myself being an utter nutcase, but somehow couldn't stop it. PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who has had these moments? If you haven't experienced the cramps, headaches, bloating, sugary cravings, depression, or high-flying mood swings than consider yourself lucky.

It is estimated that 50% of ALL women experience PMS, or premenstrual syndrome. That's a whole lot of unstable, doughnut eating ladies!

While not everyone shares the same PMS symptoms, it can be difficult for most women to find relief.

NEVER FEAR! I was a Googling freak this morning trying to find easy and natural ways you can deal with this stressful time and hopefully NOT have it end in your kids toys being thrown out, or your husband sleeping on the couch, indefinitely.

10 Secrets to Easing PMS

1.   Steer clear of sugar. Giving in to your sweet tooth could result in hypoglycemia, which is an abnormal drop of sugar in your blood once the tasty treat has left your system, leaving you feeling more irritable and lethargic than before.

2. Avoid alcohol. I know knocking back a glass of wine, or a Baily's Irish Cream with milk (not that I would know) might seem like a good idea to relieve stressful feelings, but since alcohol is a depressant you might end up feeling worse than you did. Also, "it disrupts the liver's ability to metabolize hormones, which can lead to higher-than-normal estrogen levels."

3. Stay away from salt. Eating foods high in sodium can increase water retention, causing bloating and breast tenderness.

4. Move your body. Aerobic exercise causes a release in happy hormones called endorphins that can help elevate your mood.

5. Get some rest. Interrupting your normal sleep pattern can make your fuse shorter than normal. Make sure to get a proper night of rest, some of these tips may help.

6. Calcium. Women with low levels of calcium have been shown to have a decrease in symptoms when taking this supplement.

7. Chaste Tree Berry. This South East Asian herb is very popular in Europe for reducing breast tenderness

8. Magnesium. This mineral naturally occurring in foods like black beans, peanuts, broccoli, and spinach has been shown to improve mood swings.

9. Evening Primrose Oil. This little flower has many uses, including aiding in ripening the cervix to induce labor, but for PMS it seems to only be backed up by anecdotal evidence of its efficacy. Never the less, many women throughout the world swear by its benefits.

10. St. John's Wort. For centuries, the flowering plant St. John's wort was used as a health remedy in Europe. Today, St. John's wort is best-known as a treatment for depression.

Do you have any secret remedies for easing PMS?

Regaining My Sanity in Granolaville, 

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P.P.S. For personalized support throughout your pregnancy check out Soulfueled Mama!

Simple Juice Fast, After Breast Feeding

Hey Mama!

I hope you had a fan-freakin-tastic Mother's Day filled with all the awesomeness you deserve!

Now that the weather is getting warmer and nursing Nolan is waning, it's time to compensate for all those extra calories by getting my butt back into gear!

I didn't think I would ever say this, but I really love doing a juice fast!

It's a great way to jump start an exercise routine. By detoxing from all the chicken pizza you've been inhaling (I'm guessing), I've noticed my body responds quicker to added movement.

So for the next 5 days it's nothing but fresh juice, water, and raw veggies for me.

Check out the whole video to get all the details!

Ever done a juice fast? Did it work for you? Got any other tips for losing a few pounds fast?

P.S. If you liked this post don't forget to subscribe to our weekly newsletter! 

P.P.S. For personalized support throughout your pregnancy check out Soulfueled Mama!

26 Things You Wish Your Kid Said on Mother’s Day

Sometimes I want to change my name, but not tell my kids.  That way when “Mom” gets said on constant loop I can just ignore them.

Other times I think about how long I can hide out in relaxing places like the grocery store.

I don’t want it to sound like I don’t love my kids, because I do. But sometimes they make it very hard to focus on the task of making them into upstanding men, instead of running away, screaming into the night....

Their little brains can’t comprehend the sacrifices I gladly make for them.

Motherhood is not for girls, but for women who can defy all the crazy shit that comes along with it.

And I’m guessing some of us don’t get the real praise and appreciation we deserve.

Sure, we can look forward to a Mother’s Day clay pot, breakfast in bed, or macaroni necklaces.

But is that REALLY what you need?

No, no, no….

So today, in celebration of what it means to be a mom, I want to tell you all the things your Mother’s Day card should say.

Dear Mom, 
This Mother’s Day I want to do something REALLY special for you.  Cherish this shit, you may never hear it again.

1. Thanks for giving up that last slice of apple pie, we know it’s your favorite and is a pain in ass to make.

2. I really appreciate it when you answer my inane questions through the bathroom door. You always know the answer to stuff like why birds always poop on my swing set.

3. I’m sorry that your boobs will never be perky again. 30 of months nursing me should get you some kind of award.

4. You should have a glass or wine (or five). After listening to us fight for the last 3 hours, you deserve it.

5. I apologize for knocking on your bedroom door as soon as dad unstraps your bra. I can get myself a glass of water.

6. I feel so much healthier now that you make us eat kale and other leafy green vegetables.

7. You don’t need to buy me new clothes, I’m cool with last year’s wardrobe.

8. From now on I’m going to start eating my entire school lunch. Hell, give me more carrots!

9. I’m tired of watching Wizards of Waverly Place, you should put on that Channing Tatum/Ryan Gosling movie you’ve been dying to see.

10. Please allow me sort, wash, dry, fold and put away all of my own laundry.

11. Yes, I can’t wait to try that new (insert healthy recipe) you found on Pinterest!!

12. I’m sorry for lying about brushing my teeth; I know you touched my toothbrush and saw it was bone dry.

13. The fact that I can take up a Queen-sized bed, even though I only weigh 35 pounds, is jacked-up.

14. Please enjoy your “girls night out” guilt-free. Dad and I will be just fine.

15. I totally knew it wasn't OK to draw on the wall with permanent marker.  I’ll clean it up.

16. Wow you pumped breast milk in your office bathroom just for me, thanks!

17. Let’s skip my 7 A.M. game lacrosse, you should sleep till 10.

18. Sometimes I run water in the sink and pretend to wash my hands. Sorry I know that’s gross.

19. My room? Already cleaned.

20. I would so much rather stay home with the babysitter. You and dad enjoy a quiet dinner, without strangers glaring at you.

21. Of course I prefer your cooking over Grandma’s.

22. Thank you for banning High Fructose Corn Syrup in our home.

23. I don’t know what the f**k I was thinking asking for a dog/ hamster/cat/ pet monkey. You know you'd be the one to take care of it.

24. It is both rude and inconsiderate of me to wake you up at ridiculous intervals.

25. I understand you have a headache; I’ll go sit quietly in my room and read.

26. Lastly Mom, I just want you know that no matter what, Dad's always wrong.

Love always,

Your kiddo

Please, oh please, share what you wish your kid would tell YOU this Mother's Day!


If you're about to embark on this crazy train to mommyhood, and would like help learning about birth, breast feeding, or anything in-between, give me a shout! SoulFueled Mama is my doula service, here to put YOU first.

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Planning a Medicated Birth? You Can Still Benefit from Hiring A Doula.

"F-this, give me the drugs!"

That seems to be the general feeling whenever the leading lady in a movie is about to push out her baby.

While sometimes having a medicated birth is what a woman chooses, does that mean having a doula becomes obsolete?

I've talked about a few of my experiences as a birth doula, but generally I'm kinda mum on the topic. That's pretty interesting considering I could talk about vaginas, babies, birth, and boobs, ALL DAY LONG!

I recently followed-up with a potential client to see if she had discussed my services with her husband and wanted to hire me.

I've had my fair share of rejects, mostly because the client wasn't prepared for how much hiring a doula costs (I think most women under charge).

I'm totally fine with that because I believe there is a doula for everyone. But this is my business, which means I have to charge based on the value I'm giving.

However, this client didn't hire me for a different reason. After a few emails with this potential client, we'll call "Ashley", I realized that money wasn't the issue.

You see Ashley was planning on having a medicated birth. She figured that because I spoke a lot about the inner strength that women possess and how natural birth is more beneficial for baby and mom, that I would not be able to support her.

In her mind she was probably thinking, "I'm not going to be feeling any pain, what do I need a doula for?"

The truth is, having a doula attend your birth can be SUPER beneficial, even if you plan on using pain medication.

Prior to Birth

All of my clients get the same amount of attention and care from me before delivery. My job is not to determine how each woman decides to give birth, but to help them have an informed, empowered, and safe delivery.

While most women I talk to have the intention of having a natural birth, it is by no means a prerequisite for me to support them. I provide as much information about the pros and cons of using artificial pain management as I can, and then let the woman decide.

Some women feel very strongly, from the get-go, that the pain of birth will be too much to handle. I try to point out, especially for first time moms, a few key points:

1. Most women don't know, until they are in it, how powerful, resilient, and amazing their bodies are.

2. Most women also don't know the world-shaking pain they will feel during transition or the inevitable "ring of fire".

3. But, each of our bodies were made to birth the children we created. Mother Nature has been doing her thang for a LONG time, trust her.

For those who are on the fence, I do my best to offer natural comfort measures that don't have the negative side effects of medication. Doulas are known for having an extensive "bag of tricks" including: massage, acupressure, aromatherapy, visualization, meditation, movement, walking, birthing balls, and deep breathing, just to name a few.

But if the mama decides that she's going straight for the meds, I respect her decision.

During Labor

The beginning stages of labor can be pretty misleading. I've had clients who say to me, after a few hours of contractions, "Wow this is easier then I thought." This is somewhere between 3-7 centimeters of dilation.

I usually encourage them to continue resting, walking and eating, then chuckle to myself because they have NO idea that this ain't the real deal.

Mamas often think that as soon as they start to feel pain they should get an epidural or narcotic. But most OB's and Midwives don't like to administer drugs too early because it can often stall labor, and wear off before transition.

On the other hand, once a woman has reached a certain point in her labor (around 8 or 9 centimeters), many doctors are reluctant to administer medication because contractions are very close together and can hinder the injection being given. *(I was denied an epidural during my first pregnancy because I was too far along.)

No matter if they decide to get something to "take the edge off" or not, no laboring woman can go without having any pain or discomfort. Which is why having a doula there to remind you of the process and how to stay focused can be very helpful.

Some time during the end of this phase of labor the pain becomes more intense. I mean like someone is ripping you open from the inside, intense.

This is usually the point in labor, no matter how confident and prepared a woman is, she questions whether or not she can do this.

It usually sounds something like this, "No, no! I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying. Someone please put me out of my misery. Get this kid outta me!"

If she opts to get an epidural at this point, it's my job to make sure she is clear on what will happen next. Getting pain medication is ironically often a very painful and scary process.

I've embraced clients who were in tears while getting an epidural, all while their partners stood by feeling helpless.

Though that discomfort is temporary, having that calm support can make a world of difference.

Pushing Time!

In some cases when a woman has received an epidural, it has worn off by the time she's ready to deliver her baby. In those cases it's important to have a doula there to guide her through the sensations she's feeling now that the drugs aren't in her system.

If her medication is still in full effect, she will need some guidance & encouragement when its time to push. There is a "right" way to push out a baby, and if you are numb from the waist down it can be hard to tell if you are doing it effectively.

Post-Partum

As part of my standard services I provide post-partum care and support for up to 6 weeks after the birth. Most people like to focus on labor as being the most important part of having a baby. And while it is immensely important to the physical, mental and developmental well-being of both mom and baby to have a good birth experience, those first few weeks at home are just as important.

Whether you had a medicated birth or not, every woman (hopefully) brings home a healthy new baby, which can come with its own set of challenges.

According to Birth Arts International (the organization I trained with) some of the advantages of having post-partum care include:

• Increased earlier bonding with mother and the whole family unit.
• Less chance of infant dehydration and hospitalization with health difficulties due to educated care
• A reduced amount of maternal postpartum depression and shorter duration and easier for mother to cope with it if it occurs
• Less maternal exhaustion, frustration, trepidation and anxiety during early weeks.
• Reduction in unnecessary calls to pediatricians
• The Partner can get back to work sooner with less anxiety
• More of an understanding of newborn emotional and physical needs and behavior
• More care choices, tools for dealing with relations and others.

So if you decide that a natural or a medicated route is for you, having a doula at your side can be a beautiful addition to your birth team.

Did you hire a doula for your birth? Planning a medicated birth but still not sure having one is right for you? Post your comments below!

If you are a mama-to-be and want extra loving support on your Birth Day, I would be honored to assist you. You can email me for a 1 hour consultation at granolaville[at]gmail.com or check out Soul Fueled Mama for more information.

5 Simple Ways to Celebrate Earth Day with Kids

“Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children.” 

So today is Earth Day, but I only recently realized how awesome this planet really is.

Maybe it's because I'm getting older or because I get to watch my 2-year-old discover things like mountains and worms.

Whatever the reason, I've begun to notice the beauty that surrounds us everyday.

It's funny because kids do this automatically. They see a super tall tree and think it's amazing. They watch birds fly and think they're magical. We should all be so lucky.

As we crossed a bridge one day, headed towards the Catskill Mountains, my 14-year-old said to me, "You know, sometimes I forget how amazing the mountains are because I see them everyday."

Yea my kid's pretty special.

But he's so right. I feel like our appreciation for the planet is dwindling. From the way water gets pumped into our home, to how many bees it takes to make one jar of honey (it's somewhere around 600).

We've become disconnected from our relationship with it all.

Typically on Earth Day most of the world focuses on the 3 R's: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. While I think those steps are extremely important, if kids don't see their connection to the earth, I believe they're less likely to care for it.

So here are 5 simple ways to celebrate Earth Day with your kiddos:

1. Plant a garden. I know this seems obvious, but it's so important for kids to know that food isn't made in a factory, or in the back room of the supermarket. Real food comes from the Earth. Your garden doesn't have to be massive to have an impact. A small backyard plot or even some potted plants, like tomatoes or lettuce will do just fine. Let them dig in, get their hands dirty, and watch their food grow. Once they see all the resources it takes, just to put fresh food on their plate, maybe they'll be less likely to waste it.

2. Go for a simple walk. There used to be a time where people just walked for the hell of it. I know it seems crazy, but people didn't do it for exercise while listening to music, or just to get from here to there, and you didn't do it while checking email or texting your friends. If you were taking a stroll you were also taking in the scene; birds chirping, wind blowing, sun shining, flowers blooming. It's easier to appreciate the beauty of nature when we aren't distracted.

3. Explore a new territory. My boys and I recently took a hike around Lake Minnewaska in upstate NY. There's all sorts of things you come across in the mountains that you don't see other places. During our jaunt we came across a cool porcupine, spotted some tadpoles in the lake, and saw the gorgeous valley below. Experiencing a part of nature that's unfamiliar and new can help your kids hold on to that sense of excitement and wonder.

Lake Minnewaska

My boys

Exploring

Well hello there Mr. Tadpole.

4. Re-purpose Old Toys. If kids only knew that every year, the United States generates approximately 230 million tons of "trash". Including their once beloved action figures, electronic equipment, or whatever else is no longer "cool" to them. One way to avoid the dump is to donate old toys to a local charity like Good Will. Another is to find a new way to use their stuff. Check out these awesome planters made from toy dinosaurs and an old fire truck turned into a lamp.

5. Go Dark. In a world where most middle school kids have cell phones, an iPod, a laptop, or some other device to keep them busy, you can get some quality family time and reduce your use of energy by unplugging for the day. At the very least in might force them to play outside.

We have to remember that everyday should be Earth Day, and if we want to continue to reap the benefits of Mother Nature we need to do everything in our power to protect her inhabitants and her natural resources.

Got any plans for Earth Day? Share them below!

If you're looking for more ways to live a more natural lifestyle, I can help!

To learn more about my holistic lifestyle coaching practice, take a peek at Soul Fueled Living!

And for doula services & birth education for mamas-to-be, check out Soul Fueled Mama

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The Truth About Co-Sleeping

When was the last time you got a full 8 hours of sleep?

If you’re drawing a blank, let me paint the scene.

You get into bed with your husband, or alone, close your eyes, and don't wake up until your alarm goes off.

No interruptions. No hungry babies, knobby toddler toes digging into you back, monsters in the closet, or sudden bouts of thirst requiring sippy cups.

I mean a real, good ole’ fashioned snooze-fest. The kind where you wake up in the morning, feeling revived and refreshed!

If you are pregnant with your first child, you’re probably already experiencing a lack of good quality sleep, due to your growing belly.

But if you’re already a mom, this vision of a peaceful night, is more like a mirage, than reality.

Co-sleeping can suck the life out of you!

Never fear! I'm here to make sure you go into this whole bed-sharing thang without delusions of grandeur.

More on that in a minute...

Parents choose to have their children sleep in the same room as them, or in our case, the same bed, for many reasons.

For most of us it's a matter convenience, especially if you're nursing your baby. Just roll on over, slap a boob in their mouth, and you're both back in dreamland within minutes.

Who wants to stumble in the middle of the night to change diapers or soothe a restless baby?

Not me, if I don’t have to!

Even if you don't breast feed, there is something primal or instinctual about keeping our children near us at night.

Every mammal does it. It’s the only way to ensure the survival of their offspring. In the wild you're toast if you're an infant left without the protection of your mother.

I've slept in the same room, if not the same bed as all of my boys until they were about 4 years old.

They always had a crib, but most of the time it was filled with stuffed animals NOT sleeping babies.

Get me the F**K out of here!

When we had our third son, I tried, once again to use the beautiful bassinet my grandmother had given me.

It was the perfect height and even had a drop down side to make it easy for me to watch him.

But, even though this was the third time around, I would constantly check to see if he was breathing. I just felt like he was always safest in my arms.

That bassinet was used, maybe twice, before Nolan moved into our bed.

The truth is there’s something magical about watching your children sleep (and husbands too)!

Be warned, it's damn near addicting. Especially when you know it won't last forever. 

We're now on the tail-end of our co-sleeping time.

After months of false starts and caving into my two-year-old's adorable demands, he is finally in a big boy bed.

Nolan now shares a room with his 7 year old brother, which has made the transition much easier.

While there were nights I wish I could've put him in his old crib, closed the door and ignored the cries for mommy, I'm glad we got that special time together.

I've always known the awesome benefits of co-sleeping, even for children past infancy:

• the whole family sleeps better, with less night-time disturbances when your baby doesn't have to wake up fully to get your attention
• there is a decreased risk of SIDS compared to those solo-sleeping
• your baby gets more bonding time with both parents
• it helps to regulate your infant's sleep cycle to be the same as yours
• breast feeding is SO much easier

However, looking back, there are a few things I wish someone had told me...

Like how you will manage to make due sleeping on the very precipice of your bed, just taunting the floor with the possibility of your face hitting it.

Or how you forget what it's like to actually sleep next to your husband who is now being co*k-blocked by a sweet smelling child.

There ain't NO WAY my husband is getting near me!

I wish someone had told me how deep my son's knees could actually dig into my back before prompting me to turn over and face him.

Or how a 30 (ish) pound baby likes to pretend he's making snow angels in the sheets. (See an awesome depiction of that move below)

From How To Be A Dad

I wasn't prepared for projectile vomit being hurled in my direction during a nasty bout of the stomach flu.

Or that if ones in your bed, the other wants in too !

Nor was I ready to be molested night after night by a kid who was told we are done nursing until the sun comes up.

I really wish someone had explained that it's nearly impossible to get comfortable when your kid kicks the blanket so far off your bed you're only left with the right upper corner to snuggle with.

Mostly, I wish someone had told me that I would secretly love that time, somewhere between 2 and 5 am, when my little one climbs out of his race car bed, staggers down the hall, crawls into my bed and cuddles up next to me.

I really do hope that never ends.

Got any tips for mamas considering co-sleeping? Share them below!

If you're looking for attachment parenting tips or practical ways to balance your needs with your family's, let me know!
To learn more about my holistic lifestyle coaching practice, take a peek at Soul Fueled Living!
And for doula services & birth education for mamas-to-be, check out Soul Fueled Mama

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Create the Life You Crave

Does your life feel delicious?

I mean does it make you want to devour every experience like your favorite tasty treat (in my case a cookie dough brownie sundae with pecans and whipped cream)?

Not so much?

Yea me neither.

I should clarify.

There have been moments...if I'm really in my sweet spot, weeks, where life just seems truly... yummy.

Everything is in perfect alignment. My eyes sparkle, kids dance, husband smiles, and my thighs don't rub together...much.

But being a holistic life-stylist, doula, and full-time crunchy(ish) mama---trying to fuel my soul with all the goodness the world has to offer, can be simply exhausting.

It's easy to forget what living a life of pleasure and joy really looks like.

Thankfully, I'm surrounded by a bevy of amazing women who inspire me each day to embrace it all.

One of those fantastic ladies is Lisa O'Brien, yogi, teacher, mother of 6, and my fabulous friend! Her company, perfectly named LifeYum, has a message that's simple "Feel Good. Do Good."

Yes, THIS insane body popped out 6 kids!

In her recent blog post, she so beautifully and honestly shared all the things that are currently fueling her LifeYum.

It reminded me of all the things in my life I've forgotten that make me feel like I'm laying next to a serene pool of water on some beautiful island.

I believe that's what we, as women and mothers, need to do more.

Yes laundry needs to get folded, lunches need to be made, and bills have to get paid. But at night, when you're laying in bed, reflecting on your day, it should be filled with things, people, foods, sights, and experiences that light you up!

The way to create the life you crave is to remember all the things that make you feel good. Then do MORE of that!

It's that simple.

Here's my current LifeYum list:

• red wine after all the kids are in bed
• laughing until my stomach hurts
• using coconut oil for everything!
• cuddling on the couch, watching movies with my hubby
• uninterrupted showers
• practicing yoga without worrying about having perfect form
• unsolicited hugs and "I love you's" from my 14 year old son
• seeing the look on a mama's face the first time she sees her baby
• avocados
• sleeping past 9am
• knowing the support I give creates positive birth experiences for my clients
• soaking up the summer sun
• digging my hands in my garden
• watching my 6 year old learn to read
• making fresh juice instead of coffee
• reading anything Danielle Laporte writes
• a great hair day
• Newman's Pineapple Salsa and tortilla chips
• unstoppable bursts of creativity
• pillow talk with the hubs
• late night chat sessions with good friends
• dance parties with my boys
• watching a marathon of Revenge
• any movie with Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum or Ian Somerhalder (super yummy) 
• connecting with inspiring, kick-ass, entrepreneurial women
• my favorite grey boots
• Netflix
• sweet surprises from my love
• flipping through old photo albums
• warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce
• the scenic views of the Catskill Mountains
• walking barefoot in my yard
• making a meal the whole family raves about
• Pinterest after 10pm

Share some of your LifeYum in the comments section below.

If you need help finding your sweet spot, shoot me an email at granolaville [at] gmail.com. My one-on-one coaching sessions are designed to help mamas create healthy & delicious lifestyles, with passion and purpose.

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An Open Letter From My Breasts

Dear Nacia,

I know this letter might seem like it's out of the blue, being that we've known each other forever and what-not, but I feel like I need to get some things off my chest *winky-wink*.

Do you remember, back in the day, when I was flat and inconspicuous?

We didn't have a care in the world. Our only concern was catching the latest episode of the Mickey Mouse Club, with fine-ass Justin Timberlake & Ryan Gosling. Who knew one show could house all that hotness!

Mmmm.....

Sorry, where was I....OH yes, you didn't really need to pay me much attention. I just hung around on your chest, not really serving much purpose.

But somewhere around age 12 I started to change. OK let's be honest, I put on a few pounds. I began to fill out in ways I'm not sure you were prepared for, and for that, I apologize.

I went from a shy wall flower, who barely got noticed, to that bitch on the dance floor demanding attention from EVERYONE!

I got SO out of control you had to restrain me! I understood though. I was drawing a lot of attention to myself. I hadn't quite come into my own and I was just trying to figure things out.

Over the next few years we both matured and developed. Yet somehow, I always found a way to steal your thunder.

Brief glances by men turned into full-on ogling. I mean, they didn't even look you in the eyes because they were too busy trying to sneak a peak at me!

It's no wonder you just gave in one day and let me run the show. Let's face it I did make you look GOOD!

You had friends who were struggling with "bee stings" for boobs, while others found themselves shopping for bras with double letters in them.

Not me though. I kept my weight under control. All you need is a handful, right?

I made you look AWESOME in your prom dress and had no problem filling out that fuchsia swimsuit.

We had a pretty good thing going on.

Which is why it pains me to tell you this now.

I'm not naive as to why I was created. I understand that though we've had LOTS of good times together, my purpose is NOT to look good. It's to feed your children.

I don't want it to seem like I'm complaining, because I'm really not.

But here's the thing.....I'm f-ing spent!

The last 28 months, while you've been nurturing and nourishing this last baby boy of yours, I've been used and abused.

Don't get me wrong, I loved it when you first got knocked up and I was voluptuous and curvy. I sat up so high and could see the WORLD!

Those first few weeks after your son was born were rough. I was engorged at times, certainly tender to the touch, and just felt bloated.

Not cute at all.

Then things began to settle down. My milk supply was established and the three of us really got into a good rhythm.

I figured, I could do this for a year. That's how long YOU said I would be at the beck-and-call of your suckling baby. I agreed (what else was I going to do) because I knew how important it was to you.

But shit has gotten out of control.

Your son thinks he can help himself to me whenever he damn well pleases! At the mall, in restaurants, while you're trying to wash dishes....it's ridiculous!

I'm all for showing off, but exposing myself to a room full of strangers is NOT what I signed up for.

He pulls at me, squeezes, and on occasion has bitten his tiny little teeth into me. I'm fine with this occasional kind of attention from your husband, but this kid needs some boundaries.

It's now been almost two and a half years since we started this journey. And I have to honestly say...I'm kinda over it.

The constant touching, grabbing, bouncing his Power Ranger off of me while he nurses, and fondling is more attention than I can stomach. It doesn't even feel special anymore. I've become a shell of my former self, barely able to fill out a C cup.

I can't do this anymore.

So I'm writing this letter to inform you that I'm giving my 30 days notice.

I'm sorry for leaving you high and dry, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

Maybe in time I can get my weight back up and we can go out for a night on the town with that sexy black dress you love so much.

Until then, I'm going to lay low and PRAY that your boy stops molesting me in the middle of the night. I'm not a flippin 7/11.

Love,

"The Girls"

If they could talk, what would your breasts say to you? Oh please do share so I'm not the only one embarrassed!

Back to Work & Breastfeeding? Your Job May Not Be Safe.

No one ever said being a "crunchy mama" was easy. Sometimes our parenting choices get odd stares or looks of confusion.

Didn't start your kid on solid foods until she was WELL over a year old? Weird.

Let your baby sleep in bed with you? Unsafe.

Cloth diapered? Super weird (and gross).

Made your own organic baby food? Just buy it!

Didn't vaccinate? How dare you!

Breast fed your kiddo until Kindergarten? You've got a first class ticket to CRAZZZZZZYYYY TOWN. All Aboard!!

Yea, we're use to our fair share of judgment and curiosity as to why we "do what we do".

If only those looky-loos knew the truth.....we want to raise happy, healthy, and well-adjusted kids.

Shocking, I know!

Here's the thing that REALLY blows my mind...the fact that we still make it difficult for some families to make these choices.

Raising children is already one of the scariest, most challenging, personal, and of course AWESOME endeavors we may ever face.

This is why it PAINS me to see mothers being bullied or harassed into filling someone else’s parenting mold.

We should all support a mother's right to choose how to raise her child.

In the United States, breastfeeding in public has become quite a hot topic.

From a mother in a grocery store on a military base being asked to leave because she was feeding her baby, to the national news Target made as mothers, across the country, took a stance by staging "nurse-ins".

People (mostly women) have become fed up with the unfair treatment of mothers who choose to nourish their children this way.

While being humiliated or harassed in a public place for breastfeeding your baby can be traumatizing enough, I believe that mothers who work outside the home bear the biggest burden.

Going back to work after being engulfed in new motherhood can be quite a transition, especially for nursing moms.

Every woman deals with some level of guilt if or when it's time to return to her career.

But women who choose to continue breast feeding have a different set of challenges than those mamas who formula feed.

Let me be clear. I am in no way trying to minimize the difficulties non-nursing mothers have. I’m only pointing out that they differ from those nursing moms face. Both should be given equal attention.

But the unfortunate truth of the matter is that women who need to pump to maintain their supply, are not always treated with respect in the workplace.

Yes, there are laws that protect women who breast feed. The Fair Labor Standards Act was amended to "require an employer to provide reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for one year after the child's birth each time such employee has need to express milk."

Unfortunately not everyone is protected.

If you happened to be employed by a small business (less than 50 employees), the law states that if your pumping is causing the employer "undue hardship", they are not subject to these requirements.

In essence, small businesses (defined by an arbitrary number) can refuse to let women use their break time to pump, if they feel it negatively impacts their business.

In the case of a local mom, in my Granolaville, this is exactly what happened.

Kate began working at a local bagel shop in Hopewell Junction, NY when her son was just 2 months old. After being hired, she informed her boss that she was still breastfeeding, and would need 10 minutes of her break to pump milk.

They did not offer her a private place to pump, so she made do by taking her break in her car and pumping.

Three days later, Kate took her lunch break in the dining room of the bagel shop.  She sat down and ate, while discretely pumping milk underneath her jacket.

After lunch, a manager approached her and told her, "A customer complained about you pumping in the dining room. You can't do that because we are supposed to be 'family friendly'."

The irony of a "family friendly" restaurant NOT supporting a mom who is trying to feed her baby is not lost on me.

Kate was completely covered. She didn't expose her nipple, nor whip out her breast to express milk, yet "people" felt uncomfortable.

Most people don't feel it's their place to say to a woman, who is half dressed with her rack perched up for the world to see, to cover up.

Nor do they feel the need to tell a Speedo wearing overweight man at the beach that his rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly or offense.

So why is it that a woman, who is doing her best to be low-key, prompts a patron to complain?

Something is seriously wrong with the way we respect mothers and the choices they make. It's a bullshit double standard.

Kate agreed to not pump in the dining room again, in fear of losing her job. But just a few days later, when she called to find out her schedule, she was given the run around, and was finally told that they were going to go with someone else for her position because she wasn't "working out".

She believes she was let go because of the pumping incident.

Not only did Kate's loss of employment impact her family financially, but it also gave her a rude awakening to the changes that need to be made to protect ALL nursing mothers’ rights.

In her exclusive interview with me, she explained:

This whole experience made me feel very disappointed, especially with one of my female managers, who I thought would understand since she was older than me and had children of her own. Also it disgusts me that smaller businesses can get away with this loophole with the law because of "undue hardship". But, that doesn't change my mind about returning to the working world. I have heard a lot about discrimination against breastfeeding mothers in the workplace and all I can say is you don't know something until you have experienced it firsthand. It made me become more active in breastfeeding rights in the workplace. My goal is to bring awareness to small businesses about breastfeeding mothers in the workplace and I do hope that my goal is achieved.

As a first step, Kate has taken her cause to Albany and Washington, D.C. by writing to NY Senator Kristin Gillabrand and President Obama, in hopes of shedding light on the mothers who have seemingly fallen through the cracks.

What do you think of Kate’s story? Are these nursing laws fair or foul?

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